IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT I
by shadaahiya
Summary: STANNIS BARATHEON final moments


Stannis Baratheon

"If only for a moment"

He was a cold man feared by the many respected by the few at least that is how his people describe him mayhaps whereby people see him yet oftentimes more than not this is how he wants himself to be and overtime this is now the man he have become. who he pretended to be without a choice what he really was meant to be , he doesn't even know where it all began but this is how it will end. the frigid distant night overwhelmed his lucidity with all these thoughts as the his sword hacked into the soldiers body perhaps it was the wintry climate that led him powerless and weak as he struggled his way to position his body to stand that is when he concluded that he was indeed a cold bitter man who had sacrificed everything for a crown that was supposed to be his and rightfully so for the good of his people , for the seven kingdoms.

"but was it all worth it ?" as an echo of ghostly voice carried by the dissonant northern wind called upon him just as he slowly sway his body weight to the nearest tree barely making it there and almost out of breath. he sat there surrounded by dead men , men who fought for him from the beginning and had died for him , for his cause.

the pale white snow had kissed the flaming water but the wind blew harder and it got colder. the forest was at peace even the snowflakes were set into motion as they delicately slant over the ground yet Stannis Baratheon was not at peace he never was. he wants to burst into tears until his eyes bleed. he wants to scream until his voice turns raw , he wants to fight and kill those who are against him. he wants to stand and fight , he wants to win but all he manage to do was release the air oit of his lungs and stare off the dark cloudy skies of the north as the sudden realization hit him and that he he had lost , he who gave up everything.

"everything . . . " he said shakilyas the cold began to embrace his soul. yes , he thought he gave up everything and all because of a mistake which he had learned not to repeat a long time ago when he lost his parents , those gods they prayed to took the people he cared and loved the most but here he is now many a years later foolishly letting himself believe in something so impossible , the lord of light they call him. he wants to rebuke the red witch but he has nothing left to blame but himself , he gave up everything in the name of the kingship which he belives is rightfully his , for his people and to warn the others of the threat coming beyomd the wall he was the hero , a savior as what he led himself to believed but he never was and never will be.

He was a fool to believe in such prophecies , a delusional man who is weak. He never wanted this but he accepted it knowing he can save a lot of lives , thinking this was the right thing to do but somewhere along the way he got lost , lost in his own sense stumbled upon the delight in searching for his purpose or at least he thought it was and along the way he lost people he cared about bit by bit starting with his own dear brother Renly , he loved him he was his blood after all but like him he was just as a fool as he is blinded by the power. At this moment he led himself to believe that what happened to his younger brother was the only way forward and was the right thing to do , it was if only for a moment but not today. Today he missed him more than ever it pains him to remember his smile when they were only little but those days are gone and Renly was just a remnant of the past. he shook himself off this thoughts as the cold deep into his very. Somehimg else came into his mind he was cold and he needed warmth but where was this fire god when he needed him the most he let out another shaky soumd which almost sounded like a lughbut all he could think of now is the idea pof death maybe there's warmth there or maybe none. maybe it's a place where he can finally be happy , he can finally rest and be at peace.

He close his eyes for a moment trying to push all these thoughts away but an image came into his mind and the sounds of screams as the fire slowly devoured her. he tried to get it out of his mind but she was the only warmth in his life the only daughter he ever had and now she's gone , forever all in the name of God and victory. he had offered sacrifices to the red God before, men and women he trusts and some his own kin all in the name of victory and the idea of doing the right thing , he lost everythimg. all because of this god that he hardly believes in himself but he let it happened and there is nothing he can do now.

When the red witch mentioned that his only daughter would be offered to the Lord of light he accepted it without question. he'd sacrifice a life of one person even when it hurts him as long as it saves the many for at the end of the day victory will celebrated. As he rake the snow on the ground feeling it's smoothness while numbing his fingers , he tried to think of the reasons he had to live but there was noneas the questions kept flooding his mind "who is to blame ? why did I let myself believe in something that was so cruel and unreal ? why ? " fate has always been cruel to him , it always has but this moment made it all real. The people of seven kingdoms would laugh at him long after he is dead about a rebel who fought only to lose , who sacrifice but still lost , who killed his enemies but in the end he died all alone, who's name should be mocked at for the rest of time but then again a little part of him was relieved none of these will happen for the danger beyond the wall and the death comes with it is far greater than the danger of him being humiliated. He isgoing to die , he knows it and he is terrified just as he is excited. He doesn't know if there's something out there for him or for anyone who had gone astray perhaps warmth for eternity that he longs for , he's going to the deepest of the seven hells for what he have done he thought or someday the gods will finally grant him peace and he will finally see his family , his mother and father. Robert and Renly , along with his wife and daughter maybe he could then ask for their forgiveness start all over again but someday sounds a lot like never. there was nothing for him but darkness his body will be burn if his enemies were kind and he would become nothing but an ash and finally the dirt he is sitting on now just like those before him. the truth is bitter he realized as swallowed the lump in his throat.

He stare at his sword , feeling it with his bare hands as he slowly caress it's length a tear fell of his eye lid but he refused to recognize its presence pretending it was just a melting snowflake caught in between his eyelashes but it wasn't that one tear he concluded was a metaphor that describes what kind of man he was , this facade of coldness and boldness was just a mask because all he ever was just a tear , a raging emotion he kept inside that was slowly going to be fall no matter how hard he held it back no matter what he tries or how much he wants to.

"it's over . . . ." a distant call rang through his mind between the deepest of his thoughts. He fought , killed and now he has lost all for the things that made him who he is , a man of duty. there's nothing left for him in this cruel world he laments nothing ever was , he was fighting all his life perhaps this is how it must end alone in the cold stark winter surrounded by red and white snows with a sword in his hand.

"should I . . should I do it" he whispered to himself but should he ? is it right that he will take his own life after all it is his for the taking , that's what he always believed in. he struggled to reach for his sword that was only a couple of inches away yet he can't reach for it. funny he thought , he can't even reach for it maybe he was destined to die slowly in the cold , destiny he smiled at that word as he scanned the woods as he heard what seems to be footsteps. impossible he thought , the white walkers couldn't have breached the wall. his heart beats a little faster as his ragged breath became more clear to his own ears "this can't be happening , no I can't die in their hands only to live again and kill those who I've swore to protect in the first place he thought , I have to fight." He thought

it was only when he realized he wasn't going to fight a white walker even when the figure itself reveals what seems to be a beast with hard solid blue eyes and he saw a glint of light between them. he managed to let out a real smile he had kept hidden for a long time duty was the thing that pushes him and now a knight is going to take his life to fulfill her duty.

". . . . do you have any last words ?" the knight asked him. he ought to say something , to warn them of the threat beyond the wall , to burn his body after he is killed , to say sorry for failing to protect and free winterfell and the seven kingdoms, a lot of words but none of it seem to matter not before or not today.

"go ahead do your duty" was the only thing he managed to say and was only fitting for the situation. as the knight raised her sword he closed his eyes and the most beautiful image came into his mind , his lovely daughter taking his hand and smiling while staring right off his very soul telling him "it's going to be okay father" but those images were gone as soon as darkness filled his mind. He would like to relieve those days , become a better father to his daughter if only for a time but those days were has passed , she's right he thought I will be okay.


End file.
